Order v/s Chaos

Order            v/s          Chaos

I am in a constant battle with myself.  I crave order.  (Really. . .I do.)  I love lists and organizers and calendars.  I love having a plan.  I love knowing what is coming around the corner, having something to look forward to.  It makes me feel safe and in control.  (haha. . .it is just an illluuuuusion, but I pretend.)

And then again, I love chaos.  I love surprise and spontenaity.  I love throwing it all into the wind and seeing where it lands.  I love messes.  I love not knowing what is coming next.  It makes me feel free and wild!  It inspires and invigorates me.

Until I crave order.

And then I get bored and crave chaos.

So, what does this battle look like in my life?  This structured-randomness?  Most days it looks more like chaos on the outside.  Sections of my house are ordered.  I said 'sections.'  Don't go into the basement.  That is like the giant garbage pile we live on.  (I'm sure some feng shui expert would have an opinion on that.)  But ask me to show you my newly organized gift wrapping drawer and you'd be quite impressed.  My ever-expanding bead collection, my shoes, clothes (when clean), the spare room (that is not occupied), my books, the linen closet, and my laptop can all be included in my ordered list.   

But my kitchen = chaos.  I blame that on losing half my cabinet space when we remodeled and not the ridiculous amount of kitchen items I believe I must keep.  You know the story.  "As soon as I throw that 3rd can opener away, I'm gonna need it." or "Yes, I need 14 mixing bowls and 27 storage containers with lids."  And the study, oh I try.  I really do.  But having a home business and the insane amount of paper involved (see previous post) is so overwhelming that I surrender most of the time.  And the bathroom.  Forget it.  Teenage boy = soggy towels on the floor and unscooped cat litter (his chore.)

I go through phases where I PURGE.  I get out the black garbage bags and I throw it away or bag it up for my one-day-make-believe-yard-sale that I'm gonna have.  No, really, I'm gonna do it.  One day.  Or I throw it into the van and stop by Goodwill.  After the purge, things feel so nice and I'm satisfied with that.  For awhile.  Then I start collecting more stuff to replace the stuff I got rid of until I have to do it again.

And that's just talking about the order/chaos that you can see.  There is also another covert battle going on - the internal battle.  In my life, this is the constant quest to do things better, to be a better person.  You know, the 'if-I-could-only' stuff we torture ourselves with on a daily basis.  If only I could be more productive.  If only I could stay focused.  If only I could find more time in the day to do blah-blah-blah.

Order in this world is a mom who follows a good diet (and is a healthy weight).  She also keeps her son on task with homeschooling and limits video game playing and even organizes 'social opportunities.'  She cooks dinner and doesn't leave dirty dishes in the sink.  Oh yea, and she e-x-e-r-c-i-s-e-s.  (Sheesh, that was a hard word to type, much less do.)  She also stays close with her older daughters and makes time to touch base with her hubby daily.  She takes care of her spiritual needs and reads the Bible.  She makes it a priority to enjoy life - and plans time to do it.

Then there's Chaos and she eats what she wants.  This girl doesn't need to exercise because she is too busy having fun. (Well, she probably does, but she isn't bothered with such mundane tasks.) She is kind and doesn't fuss over the details of stuff.  Dirty dishes don't bother her.  She's always in the moment.  She notices those little things that too often get missed, those special moments that are meant to be savored.  She doesn't like being Julie from the Love Boat (if you don't get this reference, ask someone who watched TV in 1975) and doesn't want to organize activities.  She is spontaneous and schedules just get in her way.  She plays videogames with her son, and daughters, and hubby, even when there is homework to do.  She is wild and unpredictable. 



Spygraph!  Another showing-my-age moment. . .



Just like my house, you'll see a little of both going on at any given moment.  Hopefully there is a balance because too much of one is not a good thing.  When I was in my 20s, I thought that by now I'd have it all figured out.  HA!  Now, that is truly the illuuuuuusion.  All I have now that I didn't have then is a measure of respect for my own crazy process.  And acceptance.  Well, sort of.  Depends on who is in charge that day.

Order is telling me that I need to wrap this post up with some witty quote.  But Chaos says that you guys all have Google and you can go find one if you're needing a cool ending. . .

Chaos wins.