Celebrating the 4th - aka: Blowing stuff up

I believe myself to be a patriotic person. The sight of a flag rippling in the wind really moves me. Add to that a veteran in a uniform and I'm ready for tears. I even cry at fireworks shows (as well as weddings and graduations and marching bands in parades.) Even with all this emotion, there is another that goes hand-in-hand with the 4th of July. . .fear.

You see, my husband is a pyromaniac. If there is a fire, his only desire is to make it bigger. And if he has fireworks available, his goal is to create some explosive monstrosity that will make all his spectators run away in fear and fuss at him afterward. It is his art. And he is good.

Much to my dismay, he has spent many years training our children to keep the family tradition. The first year my son-in-law, Eric, spent the 4th with us, he was blown away. (like that pun?) Now every year, they get all giggly as they plan their trip to the fireworks store.

Friendly Warning: If you happen to see our car driving down 411 on Saturday, I suggest you keep a safe distance. We probably qualify for some TDOT danger rating.

Eric's official initiation into our family came the moment my husband decided it would be more efficient to light several of his monstrosities at once. . .using a spray can of FIRE. The worst thing was the look on Eric's face. . .it was a look of awe. Bill now has a willing follower and the two of them together? It's double-scary.

He is so serious about his craft that we have several homemade fireworks platforms in the garage - pvc tubes mounted to boards. Noooo, we don't lower ourselves to use mere glass bottles. And if you're really feeling brave, you can try out one of the handheld launchers that Eric created last year - pvc tube in HAND. Oh yes, moms just love that idea.

I should have realized this the first 4th of July we spent together, the moment a bottle rocket zipped through my hair. Every year since, our "fireworks fund" has increased exponentially. Last year, no kidding, over $350. Most of them were buy one, get one free. You do the math. We were still shooting fireworks long after our neighbors were trying to go to sleep - or considering calling the police.

So, what do I do on the 4th when the sun sets? I usually try to shoot off my favorite picks (probably some purple flames spewing out of a box) very early before they start to get brave and wreckless. Then I retreat to a safe spot with my happy little sparklers and wait for someone to get a flesh wound or blow off a finger. At last, my nursing skills come in handy.

And the next day, I look out at my backyard that will no doubt look like Christmas morning with burned papers and tubes on the ground and little parachutes hanging from the trees. . .and know that I have 364 days left until next year. Just enough time to save up that fireworks fund.

Happy Independence Day everyone!